This may be another recurring bit on the site, but I've said that a couple times now about different, non-recurring bits on the site. Anyway, today's scanning of the news seemed particularly noteworthy, in a Daily Show/Onion sort of way.

According to a Washington Post headline, Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan is "upbeat" about the economy. The guy just had prostate surgery, ferchrissakes! How can he be upbeat about anything? I guess the alternate explanation is that with his prostate presumably working great, he may be upbeat about everything.

And the Today's Papers column on Slate (of which I'm a big fan) said of the White House's road map for Middle East peace, that "everybody notes Bush doesn't exactly relish the role of peacemaker in a situation from which he has nothing to gain politically." Call me crazy, but nothing to gain from brokering peace in the Middle East? The column does go on to expound upon the conflicted politics of the region here in the U.S., but come on! Peace in the Middle East! That's like the political Holy Grail (with obvious apologies for using a religious metaphor)!

Finally, the Chicago Tribune reports that hundreds of worms from a science experiment aboard the space shuttle Columbia have been found alive in the wreckage. I know I speak for people everywhere when I sincerely hope that they were exposed to some rare form of radiation that causes them to grow to mammoth proportions and terrorize our cities until some hero, or perhaps two heros, provided one is called out of retirement and the other is an inoffensive black guy, can overcome personal demons to destroy them.