I know Tom reads this, and maybe Ben, too. So, to the tune of the chorus of "Pepper" from the Butthole Surfers, which should give this enough hipster cred to actually work:

We're the club from Chicago And you can call us "Fire" We stand and sing for ninety And we never, ever tire

Barrett, Rolfe and Blanco
And the other guys as well
If you support another club
Then you can go to hell.

Add that to the list of songs I would do if I were still a capo, along with "This Fire" from Franz Ferdinand, "We Are The Angry Mob" from Kaiser Chiefs and "Reggata de Blanc" from The Police, although the latter would be a bit tricky and require longer attention spans than the section is accustomed to.

Wikipedia describes "hot stove league" as off-season talk with a focus on player movement. For some reason, ESPN is calling Allen Hopkins' columns "hot stove scuttlebutt" despite the fact that it's in season, and the latest installment doesn't have any trade rumors whatsoever. I don't think the last one did, either.

I'd say this probably isn't Hopkins' fault, but the people at ESPN at least should know better.

I'm sure Chris is relieved that I'll be making fun of Fox Soccer Channel's crew this time.

• [PREGAME] Thirteen points out of first in the East? When the hell did that happen? Oh yeah, in those 300 or so minutes we weren't scoring any goals. I will point out that Chris Rolfe started at forward in the Open Cup match, not at right midfield. And we scored three goals in the first half. Why is this so hard to understand?
• [PREGAME] Dave Johnson and Brian Dunseth? This might not suck. Dunny's been building up a pretty decent body of work lately, although he might not be impartial..
• [PREGAME] Carr as lone forward? I'm hoping Rolfe is really a forward and not really part of that three-man attacking midfield. Let the speculation that Barrett is sitting out because he's getting traded begin.
• [3'] Yeah, it's really a 4-4-2 with Rolfe and Carr up top. Good pressure forces an error from Columbus and it's an early corner. Did Blanco try to sneak that in the near post? If not, lousy ball. Sega gets up, sends in the cross, another corner for Chicago.
• [5'] Rolfe all the way back on the left side making a play. Busch with what looked a bit like a poor clearance, but it gets to Mapp's head. As does Hejduk's head, so it's a free kick. Rolfe is getting forward -- which he hasn't been able to do when he's been playing on the flank of the midfield.
• [8'] GOAL CHICAGO! Great team effort. Segares pushes up, finds Mapp, who dishes to Carr (and then takes off towards goal), who lays it back for Blanco, who serves a beautiful looping ball into the box for Mapp, whose first time shot hits the post, but there's Rolfe to bury the rebound.
• [9'] Mapp just owned Chad Marshall on that run into the box for the initial shot. Brilliant moving off the ball from the winger.
• [10'] Columbus pressuring to answer. Moreno gets the better of Prideaux, but it goes out for a corner that doesn't amount to much.
• [14'] Blanco took a ball to the head, but he's back out there. Left side of the defense giving a bit too much space to Ekpo, but fortunately he's got no left foot with which to shoot, so his outside of the foot pass goes out of bounds. Columbus still enjoying most of the possession since the goal. And Barrett is at least on the bench.
• [16'] A bit of a mess there, starting with a bit of reckless tackle from Segares, but Columbus gets the advantage and maintains possession. Then a good ball in towards Moreno, who is judged to have interfered with Busch. No goal. Didn't see if Sega picked up a yellow after the fact, but he clearly could have. This may have woken the Fire up a bit, as Conde serves a long ball up the middle that Rolfe releases for a quick shot that goes high. Have I mentioned how important it is to have Chris Rolfe near the goal?
• [18'] Thorrington with a great slashing run off of Blanco's possession, but can't quite get it past Hesmer.
• [19'] Carr with a nice run to the byline, but can't quite find Rolfe in the box. Back the other way, Soumare just put the hurt on Moreno, but on a pretty fair challenge. Moreno helped off the field by the traitor, er, trainer, Jason Matthews.
• [22'] Dunseth with a couple of good points. First, that the Fire defense is challenging early, not allowing Columbus to hold possession as they cross midfield. Second, that the Fire are doing a lot better with those second balls -- the rebounds off of those first touches. Third, the flexibility of Diego Gutierrez allows him to provide cover when Conde and Segares push up, and that sort of trust in your defensive coverage is something that's been lacking lately, so it's good to see.
• [25'] GOAL CHICAGO! Oh my, that was another beauty. Big switch from either Prideaux or Thorrington over to Segares, still in his half of the field. Up to Mapp, who fights off Hejduk at the center stripe, turning and sending a through ball to Chris Rolfe, posting up on Chad Marshall forty yards from goal. Segares sees that the entire right side of Columbus' defense had overcommitted to Mapp, and runs up the left side of Rolfe's position. Rolfe just sort of hands the ball off to him and he's in towards the penalty area. Sega then makes a clinical through ball to the onrushing Calen Carr, who buries it. Total football.
• [27'] Can I once again point out that Rolfe needs the freedom to get in dangerous positions close to goal? Thorrington gets down the right side, but totally overcooks the cross. Moreno gets dumped again and Columbus has a free kick in a dangerous spot.
• [29'] Schelotto finally gets a touch, and just misses into the side netting. Busch isn't happy with his wall, but it didn't go around the wall, so I don't know what they could have done differently.
• [30'] Hejduk flubs a bicycle clearance, and Rolfe controls, but can't hit Carr in the box. The Fire hold possession, and it ends up on Justin Mapp's right foot for a weaker shot on Hesmer than he would have liked.
• [34'] Columbus with a run of possession, but once again Ekpo on his left foot is not dangerous at all.
• [35'] Justin Mapp with the ball on his left, though, is a different story, and Mapp almost finds the upper ninety on a nice solo effort.
• [36'] GOAL COLUMBUS. Soumare wins the ball from Moreno, but can't keep it from Schelotto, who picks his pocket and then picks out Ekpo on a near post run.
• [39'] Note to Brian Dunseth: You're on a national telecast, cut the "we" crap. And I don't think Dave Johnson does regional Crew games, so why does he always treat the Fire like the visitors when he calls their non-D.C. games? I feel like I've noticed that before.
• [41'] Robbie Rogers tries to get cute, and John Thorrington does the equivalent of Indiana Jones taking out his gun against the guys with the scimitars and smothers the ball away.
• [42'] Mapp with some space, but can't find Rolfe on the cross. The ball falls to Thorrington, who tries to get an end-line cross instead of shooting the ball, and is generously helped over said endline by Iro. Tried a bit too hard to look for the foul.
• [44'] Jon Busch parries away a heck of a shot from outside of the box from Schelotto. Corner to Columbus, doesn't amount to anything, as Conde runs Ekpo out of bounds.
• [45'] Conde makes a bad assumption that Segares can beat Ekpo to a flailing backpass from Gutierrez, and it ends up a Columbus corner kick that Chad Marshall puts off the crossbar. That would have sucked.
• [45'+] Blanco and Segares fool the production crew on a quick restart that goes out for a goal kick, apparently.
• [HALFTIME] A pretty entertaining game so far, but the Fire need to keep up that defensive pressure. I like that the second goal was so pretty, and yet had nothing to do with Blanco. Unless he was the one who switched the ball over to Segares.
• [46'] Uh-oh. We might be dropping Rolfe back to the wing and having Thorrington pinch in alongside Gutierrez as a second d-mid. That could be trouble, although maybe not with a lead on the road. Meanwhile, Danny O'Rourke clotheslines Calen Carr.
• [48'] Rolfe tries a little spin move, but gets stood up and loses possession.
• [49'] Chicago bringing the hammer down, in terms of challenges. Soumare a moment ago and now Thorrington not afraid to get physical, but Blanco tries to get cute and gives the ball away.
• [50'] And now a nice run of possession for the Fire that ends with a hard shot from Mapp, but it's right at Hesmer.
• [52'] Blanco with a great read to steal a ball away forty yards from goal, but his chip is way too heavy. I'd really like to see him shoot quicker sometimes.
• [54'] Clearly, Sega didn't see yellow for that challenge in the first half, otherwise he'd be gone. Looks like he may have tried to "accidentally" get his legs tangled with a guy on the far side touch line, but nobody bought that it was accidental. Which it probably wasn't.
• [55'] Another sprawling stop from Jon Busch on what Frankie Hejduk probably intended as a cross, but these sorts of saves wouldn't look so spectacular if he was, you know, tall. And now he's counting on the referee's expected sympathy toward goalkeepers to keep Columbus from taking a quick corner. Meanwhile, Segares took a whack in the buildup to that play and is off the field receiving treatment. And now Calen Carr hits the deck, but that might be a stall so Segares can get back on the field. We did that in high school once when our goalie got hurt. Marshall goes wide with the header on the second corner, and is "pulling on his shorts in anger." Where the heck was Wilman Conde on the coverage, though?
• [60'] Getting sloppy with some of these fouls here -- first Conde and now Soumare -- and we may pay for it. Meanwhile, there's Ron Stern running down the sideline towards the subs warming up behind the goal, so we'll be seeing a change shortly.
• [63'] Finally some possession for the Fire, with a nice little two-man game from Thorrington and Prideaux, but Thorrington takes either an ill-advised shot or makes a poor cross that goes right into Hesmer's bread basket.
• [65'] Note to Blanco: don't expect the old guy (Gutierrez) to make that run. Backheel out for a throw. Barrett on for Carr, should make the defenders adjust for Columbus.
• [68'] Thorrington starts asserting himself, which is good to see. Soumare with a bullet upfield that Iro plays badly, but Rolfe can't quite capitalize.
• [71'] Things continue to be sloppy in the back for Chicago, and Hejduk tries to capitalize on the chaos with a flop that fools no one and earns him a yellow.
• [72'] Chris Rolfe has been doing a good job reading plays defensively out on the right, but now Columbus comes at goal off of about three weird, lucky bounces in a melee between Conde and Schelotto. Busch blocks something -- a shot? a pass? -- to the feet of Soumare, who clears. Chicago now with some space to possess. Tick tock tick tock.
• [75'] Danny O'Rourke figures out that pretty much anyone can outrun Blanco, then Rolfe makes a bad choice on the end line, allowing Columbus to keep possession until they send it off Soumare for a corner. Which amounts to nothing. Which is, apparently, par for the course for Columbus with only two goals off of ninety-some corner kicks.
• [76'] Nice tackle from Gutierrez to win back possession in the midfield. And now Chicago almost seems to be playing keepaway, although Segares whipped a ball into the box that found the head of Chad Marshall, but then back to the Fire. Who can't keep it in bounds.
• [77'] King for Rolfe, which may or may not push Thorrington back out wide.
• [79'] As much as Chad Barrett really, really wanted that pass from Justin Mapp, he could have done a lot more to get himself in a better position to receive it. If he had run straight out wide to the right, not even turning toward goal in order to stay onside, it would have stretched the defense for Mapp to take that shot a bit better. This is the kind of off-the-ball movement that Barrett needs to be better at.
• [80'] Barrett forces a turnover with some high pressure, gets to the end line and cuts it back to Blanco, who lays it off for Gutierrez, who then rifles a shot just wide to Hesmer's left. Chicago doing better forcing their tempo going into the last ten minutes.
• [85'] Great stretch of possession from Chicago, until Stephen King gets dumped. And after Blanco's throughball is too heavy for Segares, and Hesmer boots a long ball down the other end that ends up at Busch's feet, Stephen King comes up with an important win on a 50-50 ball that gives the Fire possession going at Columbus' goal with five minutes remaining.
• [86'] So that's what Lider Marmol looks like. I'd also like to point out that, after Thorrington took that run at goal, there were three other Fire players in the box who just sort of stood around as Hesmer distributed the ball. Thorrington, on the other hand, sprinted back to get in a defensive position. He's been absolutely huge this season.
• [87'] Blanco does a sort of forward roll over the ball and turns it into a shot on goal. And is putting "L. Marmol" on the back of his jersey so that no one confuses him with Carlos Marmol of the Cubs?
• [88'] GOAL COLUMBUS. Dammit. Prideaux gets overloaded on the far post -- both Thorrington and Marmol are caught too far upfield -- and the cross finds second-half Columbus substitute Steven Lenhart. I was starting to feel kinda good about three points on the road here. Let's see what we can pull out of our hats in the final minutes.
• [90'+] Sega stops Chicago from snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with a goal-line clearance, but Columbus is claiming handball. Torsten Frings rule? And a pitch invasion?
• [90'+] Defensive shape has gone straight to hell, and Prideaux does what he has to do to stop Schelotto just outside of the box. This could end badly.
• [FULLTIME] Well, it could have been worse. Going in, a point on the road sounds like a good deal, but giving up two points in the final minutes is going to sting a bit. Still, some really, really good offensive play for the Men in Red in the first half. I think the Marmol sub screwed up the defensive shape right when he came on, and that may have led to the breakdown. Although, he came in for Mapp, who wouldn't necessarily have been anywhere near that play anyway. I don't want to pin it on Thorrington for the one time he didn't run his ass off, but had he gotten back, it might have been different. We also didn't really look dangerous in the second half until Thorrington moved back out wide with the Stephen King for Chris Rolfe sub.